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HIPPIE:
Ah yeah...  You two aren't kings or anything are ya'?
JED:
We's just men about ta' shoot a goddamn pinko commie.

HIPPIE:
No, no, no!  I can't take anyone to heaven that shoots me.  Um...  Do you think those
guys that crucified me are in heaven?

ELROY:
Let's shoot 'em Pa...  It's a trick.  I knows it!

HIPPIE:
If you...  If you shoot me, you'll burn in hell.  That's right, you'll burn in hell with all the
liberals and commies.  And...  And...  Satan will make you share a room with a...  A
commie who will...  You'll be his bitch.  He'd say suck it bitch!  Every night!  And you'd
have ta' suck it!

JED:
Why I'd shoot 'em.

HIPPIE:
Ya' can't.  He'd already be dead.

ELROY:
Come on Pa...  He's a commie for sure.  Jesus don't say bitch!  And Jesus sure
don't say suck it!

JED:
Jesus can say bitch if he's talkin' about a female dog.

ELROY:
He wasn't talkin' 'bout no female dog!

JED:
That's right, you weren't talkin' 'bout no female dog!  Were you?

HIPPIE:
I was just sayin' what they'd say in hell.  I was...  Um...  I was quoting 'em.

ELROY:
He ain't doin' no quotin'.  He's makin' this up!

HIPPIE:
Now why would I make this up?

ELROY:
Think about it Pa, to save his stupid commie ass.

JED:
Alright!  Alright!  Now I want you ta' look me in the eye and tell me if you's really
Jesus or not.

(
Jed grabs the Hippie by his shoulders and stares him in the eye.)

Now what are you?

HIPPIE:
I...  Uh...  Well, I'm Jesus.

JED:
That's good enough for me.  Put away your gun boy.

(
Jed puts his gun away.  He turns around and walks back to a bush.  Elroy is not
quite as convinced.  He keeps his gun trained on the man.
)

ELROY:
Okay, if you's Jesus which way is it to the kindom of heaven?

HIPPIE:
Um...  It's ah...  Well, up of course.

ELROY:
Then how we get there?

(
Jed begins to pee on the bush behind the two men.)

HIPPIE:
Well, uh...  Ya' gotta' die.

ELROY:
I don't like that idea much.

JED:
(
While peeing.)  Boy, you mind your manners around Jesus.

ELROY:
(
Indicating the man's backpack.)  Jesus, what do you got in your backpack?

HIPPIE:
Oh...  Um, well just some Jesus stuff.

ELROY:
Like what kind of Jesus stuff?

HIPPIE:
Um...  Secret Jesus stuff.

ELROY:
Can I see?

HIPPIE:
No, I...  I don't think it would be appropriate for two ah...  Two godfearing men like you
to see.

ELROY:
Jesus Christ, I wanna' see!

HIPPIE:
No, I don't think so.

ELROY:
(
Raises his gun back up and points it at the Hippie.)  Let me see.

JED:
Boy you put that gun down.  Jesus don't like ta' be shot.

ELROY:
Shut up Pa.  I wanna' see what Jesus got in his backpack.  Hand it over Jesus.

(
The Hippie slowly hands over the backpack.  Elroy snatches it from the man and
greedily begins to scrounch through it.  Suddenly he finds something.  Slowly he
pulls out a small bag filled with something green.
)

ELROY:
Pa!  Jesus Christ  is got the marijuanna weeds in his backpack!

(
The Hippie turns and runs away.  The two men begin to yell after him.)

JED:
Jesus Christ!  Don't run away!  Now see what you did boy?

ELROY:
Pa, Jesus Christ is a goddamn junkie, not a goddamn Commie.

JED:
Jesus ain't no junkie, he just run away 'cause you keep actin' like you was gonna
shoot 'em.

ELROY:
I wasn't gonna' shoot 'em.

JED:
It don't matter, he's gone now.

(
The two men sit down.  There is a long silence as they look off in the direction that
the Hippie ran.
)

ELROY:
Pa?

JED:
What is it boy?

ELROY:
If we's supposed ta' be like Jesus and Jesus is a marijuana man, then are we
supposed ta' be marijuana mans too?

JED:
Boy, I think that's what Jesus was tryin' to tell us.

ELROY:
Oh.

JED:
Think about it for a minute boy.

ELROY:
So them goddamn Junkies don't go to hell?

JED:
I guess not.

ELROY:
Oh.

(
They sit quietly for a moment.  Jed pulls the bag of marijuana out of the man's
pack.  He opens it and hands some to his son.  They both sit quietly for a moment
with it in their hands.  Then simultaneously, they put it in their mouths as if it were
chew.  For a moment they stare straight ahead, then suddenly they begin to chew.  
After another moment they both begin to smile. The lights fade to black
)

The Play is Finished
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